I have no excuses for not posting. None. But I do thank you for the emails and comments that you miss me and are concerned. I am fine, I guess sometimes I just get too involved in other things, like SPRING CLEANING and therefore lose my blogging focus. I started the cleaning on Saturday with my walk-in bedroom closet and it all went OCD thereafter.
Speaking of OCD, the past couple of weeks something has been gnawing at my spirit. I wasn't sure what it was but I kept feeling like there was something more that I should be doing, something different, something that I was failing at. I just couldn't figure it out. My husband even noticed it and was constantly asking me what was wrong.
He took me out to dinner on Friday night and as he sat across from me drinking his favorite Chinese tea it hit me. I asked him if he'd like me to get him a cup of tea every morning for when he gets out of the shower.
My thinking was that I'd be a better wife...that we would be more of a team working together towards a goal...the goal being, well, I'm not sure, but it seemed like this is what would fill the void I was feeling...the missing something.
As he raised his right eye brow (I love when he does that) he suspiciously asked me what is it that I want in return. "I just think I'd be a better wife if I brought you tea upstairs when I bring my coffee up", I reasoned. He doesn't have a morning beverage habit.
He then said all the right stuff....you are a perfect wife, there's nothing more you have to do...blah, blah, blah. I was determined that something else needed to be done.
So the next morning I brought him tea. The next morning I forgot. Then yesterday morning we sat in bed together drinking our morning cup of coffee and tea and did something we never do in the morning, we turned on the television.
And Joyce Meyer was on. And she was preaching about that gnawing feeling that there is something else to be done to be a better wife. She told a story about how she grew a garden one year and made her husband clothes because she felt like it would make her a better wife. We watched with amazement because it seemed like everything she was saying was exactly what I had been trying to explain to him. Of course her garden and clothes making was a disaster, God has a plan for her to be who she is, the woman he created, not the woman she was trying to be because she thought it would make her a better woman.
The enemy gets into our lives and sometimes we don't even see it. I am fine the way I am, quirks and all. I like me. Capt likes me, he even LOVES me. There is nothing more I have to do to fill the void. In fact, there is no void, the enemy just wants me to think there is.
This isn't the first time Joyce Meyer has unintentionally spoken directly to me. There was a season in my life where I couldn't have stepped out of bed without hearing her because I was in so much pain. Pain that broke me. She was there to help me as I was built back up into the woman I am today.
She is an amazing woman and I have to believe that so am I.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009